So you want to go broke on the Internet? The good news: it’s easy.
This article will provide a step-by-step way of burning through massive piles of cash on an ineffective SEO approach.
1. Trust Everyone.
Found a great SEO on Craigslist who says he can build, market, and SEO your website for pennies? Excellent. Hire him! And be sure to pay a hefty deposit in advance. Don’t set any deadlines. And don’t bother with something as primitive as a contract. Obviously, any random person (or company or bot) that you encounter on Craigslist must be trustworthy.
2. Find the most Saturated Market and Dive in There.
Hire people to write generic articles about credit card debt. Be sure the articles are low quality, provide no actual utility to people who might find them, and contain copious misspellings and plagiarized copy. Pick an arena where several sites provide the same service, and copy what they do but do it worse. Throw money at your SEO by hiring consultants and then firing them rapidly when you don’t get to page one for your keywords in two weeks.
3. Don’t Think about Your Monetization Model Until Late in the Game.
Hire a fancy-dancy graphics company in Silicon Valley to build insane flash videos and graphics for your company. Never mind that it will take forever to load said graphics on normal computers and cell phones. If they look awesome on yours, go for it. Forget about a business plan. After all, this is the web. Anything goes. It’s the Wild West.
4. Reinvent the Wheel.
There already is a Wikipedia out there. So why not make another Wikipedia? Same thing with Facebook. Why not make the next Facebook that’s exactly the same as the real Facebook but it’s not called Facebook? Or how about YouTube?
Don’t think about what needs to be done or what might be useful for people. Instead, look only to what’s worked before for others, and blindly and poorly replicate what they did.
5. Ignore Everything You Read About SEO.
You know best. So ignore blog posts like this one.
6. Give Up Without a Fight.
Having trouble with your website? The solution is easy: just give up. Encountering friction with a contractor or a setback with your original business plan? No worries: throw in the towel. After all, quitters never win, so quit now while you are relatively ahead.
Or, better yet, invest a few more months and a few more thousand dollars, and THEN quit. That way you can rack up really big losses.
7. Waste All Your Time Reading Snarky Articles like This One
Nothing will take you to the bottom of the heap faster than spending your working days lollygagging online and reading sorry attempts at SEO humor.
